The Promised first part of Psalm 32

1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered;
2 Blessed is the man whose sin The Lord does not count against him,
And in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away
Through the groaning of my spirit all day long.
4 For day and night the hand of the Lord was upon me
My strength sagged as in the heat of summer.
5 Then I acknowledged my sins to you,
I did not cover up my iniquity
I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,
And you forgave the guilt of my sin.
6 Therefore let the godly man pray in the day He may be found.
Surely in the mighty waters, he will not be reached.

(Another version says my strength was sapped....)


Recently I felt led to read this and memorize it. It had not yet really hit me, but I reread it several times. Hardly could I keep my mind on what I was doing for I worried about other stuff. But the next day I returned to it, determined to be obedient. I had at least gotten the first couple of lines, agreeing with the magnanimity of the Lord’s grace. And admitting the awesomeness of having a clean, undefiled spirit. Especially to oneself.

Sometimes I get so puffed up, that not only is it insufferable, but I am sure foul-smelling to others. But a clean one is important. Jesus said no one would reach heaven without a child-like, honest spirit. And the Bible records that David was a man after God’s own heart. He wrote these psalms. And though he wasn’t sinless, he was at least honest enough to admit it, to seek forgiveness. For the one who says, “I thank you that I am not like the others, that I am better, that I am righteous,” will not be forgiven. Jesus told us that.

My mother has osteoporosis, so I am aware of that condition and problem. Mostly I have been informed my bones are fine, but I do suffer from backaches and inability to stand for long times. So the next couple of verses struck me. When I kept silent, ie, did not confess my sins, my bones wasted away. I do not know how to describe this weakness other than to say, it feels as if your bones fail you, as if all the things you take for granted suddenly are too stressful.

During the last couple of years, especially right after my last child left the nest (happily) I just sort of collapsed for a while. No more did I have to have kids coming through my house who disregarded my values, sinned directly in front of me, or behind doors, and acted as if it did not matter. I did not have to tolerate evil or rebellion in order to give a kid time to grow up and keep him out of trouble.

What hope does a child without a high school diploma have in the world? Kicking him out after years invested raising them would destroy all the work of the previous years, and leave him with no future. So we tolerated the kids and felt defiled, ashamed. I did learn to understand the Lord saying he was weary of mankind.

I curled up and pushed out the world, seeking peace, prayer, cleansing, and sleep. Yes, I spent time usefully praying for others. Yes, I regained peace of mind and some self respect-we could control our home again. My spirit groaned all day long, as it had for the last few years built up of failure of my expectations. For years I had worked and thought I was a great parent, proud of the shaping of my children. Then, what could I say, over their teenage years, such rebellion and destruction hit them and our relationships, that it needed to be mourned. They also needed prayer, continued prayer.

They are good, sweet people. That much I knew and could console myself with. That much I had not failed in. But the directions they headed, the values they had, well, what devout parent would not have mourned? Yes, I rolled in self-pity. And literally I had no energy. Not only did I have back pain when I walked or stood up for very long, my strength was sapped.

I realize that this could easily be wrapped up and classified as depression. Many things can be, and yes it was. But it was more than that. My spirit had taken my body prisoner, and I could not function any more. Ads that spoke of adrenal fatigue caught my attention. I had already tried to address some needs through health foods and vitamins. These restored my strength so that I could at least get up and function for a few hours at a time. Even though I did not use them full strength as the weight loss medication it promised. Perhaps later. That and the later discovery of glucosamine to help with my back pain eased a lot of my mobility problems. When I am doing better, I stop taking it and then later remember my need.

It is now August and we have had a record string of 100+ temperatures. Our air conditioners in the car and house flounder, though they work well enough in the 90’s. Mostly I stay inside, but Ray comes in completely exhausted-sapped from the heat of summer! That is natural and will subside in a few weeks as September comes and goes. I am particularly aware of this, mostly for my husband’s sake, but also for yours. You do without water during your Ramadan fasts. A stupid but impressive thing.

Our fasts usually involve lack of food-a more complete lack, not having meals in the dark in the morning or evening. But a fast is whatever you agree upon with the Lord to purpose to do without that you may more fully seek Him. For instance, recently I purposed to fast with a breakfast drink in the morning and a juice or water at night, though with as much water as desired. I felt at the time when I was writing down the days not to go beyond four, but I wanted to do 30. (The breakfast drink was eliminated as it tasted disgusting, so I only had a couple of orange juices and water for four days.)

With blood sugar issues (rare instances of hypoglycemic not diabetic reactions) I was confident that I would not suffer. And it has been my experience that if I fast when directed by the Lord rather than a desire to be self-righteous that the power and freedom is there. I did not mention it to anyone, not even my mate for a couple of days. I only do so now to prove that I am not against fasting nor intimidated by others desiring to purify themselves through this purpose.

We do not have to do without water because it is the symbol of the Holy Spirit. And, as you know, we believe in the Holy Spirit as part of the Trinity your book directs us to disassociate from. “My spirit thirsts for you as in a dry and weary land,” one Bible verse says. No, we must have Him and it.

Sorry for that digression, but it actually fits in. You see, without Him we have no energy, no life. And without having our sins forgiven, we have no hope. So it not only informs us that the man who has received forgiveness is blessed, it tells us how to do so, and what happens if you do not.

If you keep quiet, that is, do not admit your own sins, then you will groan, have your energy sapped, and not be able to function. The world at some point will wear you down. But if you get over yourself, your pride, your belief that you are good enough, that you can make it on your own, then that is progress.

Sins, transgression, iniquity, sin. The first two are your actions and thoughts that you have done. Iniquity is your state of evil, that which comes out of your heart resulting in actions. Sin is the same. Singular it must be forgiven, the guilt for it forgiven as well. David confessed it all. Now I was struck with the humor of this. “I acknowledged my sin before you and did not cover up my iniquity.” As if our not talking about it hides it before the Lord’s eyes! Ridiculous. He is already well aware of what we do and say, what we think and are. We are only admitting it to ourselves and humbling ourselves before Him. But we do one more thing of significance. We ask for forgiveness and seek the shame to be removed, the guilt wiped away.

Now I do not know how to convey to those who do not believe any can know their sins are forgiven, or even that they will go to heaven, as well as not thinking they can know the God who speaks to men (all men.) But one can and does. John Bunyan described it as the weight of a man carrying a burden on his back, so large and formidable that he could barely walk, trudging up to the place of forgiveness. And the burden when released rolling off his back, down the hill, and even to the place of a tomb, buried. Where would one find such a magical place with that power? Is it only in fiction? No, it is available to all. The place is the cross of Christ. True, we no longer possess the physical one, though many tried to make icons or idols of it. The wood itself was not powerful. It was the person of Christ that accomplished the work, not the tree.

All we need do is picture a cross with a man upon it, an innocent but pure man who placed himself there for one purpose, to offer you this freedom-the forgiveness of your sins. (He allowed himself to be placed there out of a love for you and knowledge it was the only way for your need to be supplied.) And if you will speak to him and say, I am a sinner who needs to be delivered from the power of my transgressions, from my own iniquity. I do not understand how exactly you would do this, but if you are real, and this is true, then I ask you to apply that sacrifice of your own blood and life to me. And if he is real and true, and alive, powerful, then he will do so. There is not another way to describe it but to say that the burden lifts and you know you have received it. You know that you know. And all the other questions will be resolved as well. But once you have this, you have all. You are at the beginning of a new life. (I do not address the fact that He was more than a man here. That has been covered in much earlier posts.)

King David rightly admonishes those who desire this relationship to hurry, not to wait. For you should seek him while he may be found. When you wait until an emergency and then call to him, why should he answer your screams of desperation? You have already shown your contempt for seeking him earlier. I will not say he will not, as he is merciful. But many have tried in desperation, when they cared not when they did not need to be rescued. Seek him because you want forgiveness. Seek him because you want the guilt to be washed away. Seek him because you cannot go on without him, not because you need things from him. Things you value more than him.